


hold me closer

by walkingfuneralmeme



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Cute, Cute Ash Lynx, Cute Okumura Eiji, Dramatic, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious, Pining, Racism, Slow Burn, Teenage Drama, They're Dumbasses™, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24256705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkingfuneralmeme/pseuds/walkingfuneralmeme
Summary: Boys being stupid and in love.AKA the Childhood Friends™ AU that nobody asked for.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 9
Kudos: 77





	hold me closer

**Ash Lynx was 6 when he met Okumura Eiji for the first time**. 

He didn't know where he was exactly or what time it was but the grass he lied on was muddy and the star-sprinkled sky was dimly glistening. With the moon as the only source of luminescence, the 6-year-old was attentive to the shadows of his surroundings. The night was overwhelmingly loud, sounds of plants and animals echoed throughout the darkness, and it was unexpectedly freezing cold. Not for Ash. The motionless boy was no longer able to feel, he was numb to the cold, to the pain. The thread of life that was left of him was thinning. 

"Hello." A gentle voice whispered. He whipped his head up from where it was resting on his knees. He could vaguely make out the shape of a woman slowly kneeling down in front of him. She leaned forward and the radiance of the moon revealed her mature facial features. She had worry laced in her almond shaped eyes but her corners of her lips were upturned. Probably to show him that she's friendly. 

It didn't matter because, whether they were smiling or scowling, Ash hated adults. Adults only think of themselves, they are selfish, they are greedy, manipulating and above all, they always hurt Ash. 

When she started reaching her hand in his direction, the smaller curled into himself, pressing his knees to his chest. He didn't have the energy to move away, everything was numb. Her hand barely hovered over the blonde strands of his hair. Even if he can't feel anything, he'd somehow sense her warmness. He let go of his knees. It was tiring. He let the woman hum to him quietly. He let her tenderly run her hand through his hair. It felt unfamiliar, no one had ever touched him so gently. 

"How could anybody do this to a child so beautiful?" She breathed, more to herself than to him. Ash realised his back was on the grass, head on the stranger's lap. 

The last thing he remembered that night was the delicate touch of the woman, the hazy vision of her kind smile and the cold feeling of the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Then everything was black.

"It's going to be okay."

Adults were appalling so this gentle woman couldn't have been one, right? Instead, Ash decided that she was an angel.

And he was dying.

* * *

The afterlife is amazing. Ash thought. Wherever he felt incredible, he was on something so soft it was heavenly. _Heavenly?_ Heaven? No, it can't be. The indulging sensation enclosing him says otherwise.

Heaven sure was noisy.

A piercing-pitched sound rang through his ears. Steadily, he opened his eyes, the blinding blaze of the lights stabbing his iris.

"MAAMAAAA!" The pitchy voice screeched. The blurriness of his sight slightly cleared up and he was met with a ceiling fan. Carefully, he lifted his head, it was hard since the cushiony mattress of the bed acted as if it were a magnet customised to attract his body.

Ash realised he wasn't dead. He turned to his left and peeking from behind a chair was a girl around his size. She gazed at him with curiosity, lips parted in awe, large doe eyes widening; wonderstruck. 

"Haru-chan? Why are you yelling?" He knew that soothing tone from anywhere. It was his angel. "Oh my."

Ash blinked up at the woman, who smiled at him affectionately while she attentively carried his head back down on the pillow. If heaven exists, Ash was sure it'd feel like this bed. She turned to the little girl across the room and picked her up. "Good job, sweetie, you kept an eye on him like I told you to. Why don't you take a break? You deserve it."

"Okay." The girl squeaked out, she stole a glimpse from the resting boy and stammered out, much quieter, "mama, he's so pretty." The woman giggled, making her way out of the room. After a few seconds, she came back in, closing the door behind her. 

"Ah, I know this must be a sudden to you so I'll fill you in." She began, settling on the chair beside the bed, where he could see her. Does she never get tired of smiling? Ash thought. "This is my home. This might sound overwhelming but you have been in a coma for around two weeks now." Ash noticed the screens and cluster of wires behind her. "The police doesn't seem to know who you are or where you come from so I decided it would be best for you to stay with me. If you don't mind."

The boy paused, mind whirling in confusion. He had never met an adult who was also an angel. 

He opened his mouth with the intention to voice out his gratitude.

"Stop." She interrupted him, sternly. The air in the room was changing. She added, "the doctors said that you're not meant to speak for a while. You- your throat is severely damaged." Her gaze fell to her hands. Ash closed his mouth. She knew. Of course she knew the doctors must've checked. He was slightly taken aback when she raised her head to face him. It was clear she was unhappy, eyebrows knotted and her previously gentle eyes twisted into a glare so vicious, it sent shivers down Ash's spine. 

"I won't ever let something like that happen to you again." She huffed, relaxing her face. 

Why was she so desperate to help someone she barely knew?

"Oh, silly me. How could I forget?" Lips contorting to a bright grin, she said, "my name is Ayame. Okumura Ayame."

For the first time, Ash slept soundly and he dreamt that the was the ocean, it was a really weird dream but he liked it.

He's never been to the ocean, only seen pictures of it in books. 

The next morning, Okumura Ayame said to him as she fed him some fruits, "you'll be released today."

Ash nodded. What's going to happen to him then? Will he be thrown out? Where would he go?

"I should have mentioned this yesterday." She sighed, internally scolding herself. "Once you're released, I thought that it would be a good idea if you stayed at my friends' home. They're very kind and I'd entrust my life to them. They're perfect."

Noticing the hesitance in the small boy's fatigued eyes, she explained further. "You see, they aren't able to conceive a child. It was heartbreaking, tore them to bits. And then here you are, like a wish granted by the gods."

Obviously she wouldn't want him.

No one really does.

She added. "Of course, this all depends on you. If you have anyone you want to go back to, I'll make sure it happens."

 _I want to stay with you_. But Ash was just a child and Ayame was an angel and if she thinks that's what's best for him then it is.

* * *

The Lobos were, just as Ayame mentioned, kind. They accepted Ash with open arms, no matter how broken he was. They never asked anything from him, just spoiled him to his heart's content, from delectable food to the most extravagant of children's clothes.

"Aslan, look here what I got." Max Lobo spoke up, sneaking into his room one early morning.

Ash hated adults and it showed on his face, showed through his scars. He especially hated the men.

It's been a week, Max was already used to the cold scowls and the repulsed glares but that just means he's going to have to work harder for the kid to warm up to him. 

Ash was already awake, he's been having horrible dreams. He won't call them nightmares because he knew what real nightmares were. He needed a distraction so he decided that he'll humour the older man. He looked up at Max in response for him to continue. Max stretched out his arm towards him.

"Isn't it adorable?" A disgusting rat was curled up snug on the centre of his palm. He gazed at the rat then at the man, who looked at it lovingly. Ash grimaced. "Do you want to touch it?" He'd rather go into a coma for the rest of his life. 

The door swung open once again followed by loud steps. "Honey, did you take out the- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" Jessica Lobo furiously smacked the back of Max's outstretched hand and the rat flew out the window. 

Max let out a inaudible gasp. "MIA! NO!" He peered through the window, hair flowing majestically, eyes glazed, it was like he had lost a piece of himself. "You were my everything."

"Mia? How do you that thing's a girl?" Jessica sighed at her husband's dramatic antics.

"She was my soulmate, Jess. We knew each other from college. I was the troublemaker and she was the teacher's pet, get it cuz she's a ra-"

"It's 7am Max, I don't have time for your games. Go and take out the trash."

Grumbling to himself, Max retired from the scene to take the trash out. Jessica sighed for the hundredth time before turning to Ash. "If he pulls something like this again, just ring the bell. Next time, he'll be the one flying out the window."

The younger boy obediently nodded in agreement. Jessica smiled at him one last time before exiting the room to leave him to his thoughts. The Lobos were bizarre, overenthusiastic and unpredictable. He's never had a family so it was still new to him. 

They made it really hard for Ash to hate adults. 

* * *

A month of living with them, the blonde boy felt anxious. With each passing day, a feeling of fondness grew within him. He was scared. It was stupid to think like that but he really was, he kept waiting for them to hate him, to hurt him. He waited for them to kick him out like everyone else had.

Max and Jessica felt different.

Every night, Max would read him a dumb children's book, Ash read high-school textbooks for fun but he quietly observed as the older man eagerly performed the scenes of 'The Bunny, The Rabbit, The Monkey and The Moose'. Everyday, Jessica would waltz into his room with the ugliest jumpers in hand. He compliantly tried each of them on and her eyes shimmered wildly while she took 20 minutes worth of pictures.

They must've really wanted a child but it never got tiring. Ash didn't mind them at all. In fact, he actually looked forward to their company.

They were sweet just like Okumura Ayame. Has there always been this many nice adults?

With the fondness, a certain sense of guilt swelled in the pits of his stomach. No matter how unresponsive he was, Max and Jessica took care of him like he was their own child. He never talked, never smiled and he'd absolutely never let them touch him. The one time Max almost did, the 6-year-old flinched so hard he had banged his head against the wall. They took the hint.

One morning, Ash made his way to the kitchen for breakfast like usual. It must have been a work day because Jessica and Max seemed to be in a rush. He grabbed the cereal and milk, made his way to the countertop and plopped himself down on the stool.

"Sorry, we weren't able to cook up something better for you, kid." Max murmured, distracted from tying his shoelaces at the front door. "We both woke up late."

He entered the kitchen, on his way he flashed Ash an apologetic smile before opening the fridge to dig for something to drink. Soon, Jessica joined him in downing a carton of milk. They were both dressed in luxurious suits, fitted to their careers as professional journalists. They were busy people, it was a miracle how they had any time for Ash at all. 

The thing about Max and Jessica was that they were filthy rich, in addition to their charming personalities. It was almost too good. Almost as if fate was compensating for Ash's horrendous past. Somehow, he felt like he didn't deserve it. Like it wasn't his place to indulge in their luxuries. A shameful child like him isn't suited to stay by their side. This was why he didn't dare to step outside the confinement of their home.

Ash was afraid he's getting too attached-he wouldn't admit that he already was. 

"Aslan, don't forget to call us if anything happens." Max asserted, "have lots of fun okay." As he would say every other day before the two left for work.

Only something was different that day. The atmosphere appeared brighter. 

"See you soon, dear." Jessica hummed, softly. She passed through the kitchen and around the counter to where Ash sat, wordlessly. "We'll miss you." Usually, she would smile and wave at him from a distance but that day, she was swept up by the brightened atmosphere. Her fingers raked through his blonde locks and she placed an innocent kiss on the crown of his head.

Ash froze.

Then he winced, falling off the chair and crashing on the floor. 

Jessica gasped and Max paused from where he was watching. "Oh no. No. I didn't think- realise- fuck, I'm so-"

He didn't let her finish because he was zooming out the front door. 

"ASLAN!"

He faintly heard them both call. 

Stop acting so overdramatic. Ash thought as he blindly ran through the large neighbourhood, of which the streets he'd never had stepped on. 

Coward. It was what he was, the last thing he thought he'd ever be.

Ash had always thought he was a brave boy. The last time he cried was the first time a bunch of men, his father's friends, pushed him down against his will at the age of 2. After that, whenever any adults touched him, whenever he got hit, when his parents threw him away, Ash never once cried. 

The streets were mostly empty, It was pretty early in the morning. Recklessly, Ash kept running. He can't let them find him. How would he be able to face them?

From the corner of his eye, Ash caught sight of the sign that had the city name on display. It was such a dumb name. Who could have been high enough to name a city something like _Banana Fish_?

Ugh.

A soft grunt escaped his lips as he face planted on the concrete. His breaths came out noiseless and shallow, back puffing up and down accordingly. Now he looked like the dumb one. Karma. 

There was no stopping the tsunami of thoughts that flooded his mind. 

Ash was a coward. 

More than being afraid of Jessica's touch, Ash was terrified of the fact that he savoured it. He hated that. He was already so attached to them and when they decide to leave him, it was going to hurt more than any kind physical harm he'd ever faced. This feeling was alien to him, how was he going to handle it? Ash doesn't hate Max and Jessica like he had hated the others. It was easy to endure the pain inflicted by people he hated.

But Max and Jessica were different. 

"Excuse me? Are you okay?" It sounded like some kid. 

The 6-year-old was not in the state to give his attention to anyone other than himself right now. Was it too much for a kid to ask to be left alone so they can rethink their own existence while lying flat on the pavement early in the morning?

He was rather irritated. More so when the owner of the voice pulled him off the warm, uncomfortable concrete of the sidewalk. Just when he was about the growl ferociously at this nosy kid, he was confronted by the most breathtaking view.

Maybe it was the tangy orange hue of the sunrise that glowed so remarkably well against the unnamed boy's skin. Maybe it was his strikingly large ebony eyes that glistened fluorescently; piercing through Ash's flat jade ones. Maybe it was the softness of the worry that had lavished the features of his face. Maybe Ash was still high on the rush of adrenaline after rigorously darting around the neighbourhood.

Whatever it was, Ash was utterly infatuated. He pressed his lips into a thin line. Something about this boy seemed vaguely familiar. He's almost sure they never met, how could he forget a face like this? 

"Whoa!" Interrupting his train of thoughts, the kid bent down to examine Ash's jean-cloaked-knees. "Oh- you scraped both your knees, they're bleeding a lot. It doesn't hurt?" He looked at him questioningly. Ash shook his head, this was nothing. 

"Don't worry, I'll help you!" He declared on his own, ignoring Ash's response entirely. He was too preoccupied by the wide exhilarated grin plastered on the boys's lips to care anyway, it was so vibrant Ash had to physically squint. He squatted down, back facing the blonde boy. "One free ticket on the Eiji Express."

How could anyone argue with something as adorable as that?

Silently, he boarded his 'ride'. Arms wrapped around this stranger's neck, legs locked on his sides.

"Choo Choo!" He giggled. Fuck. Ash melted a little. 

He was only a little taller than Ash but surprisingly fast with someone almost his size fixed on his back.

"My name is Okumura Eiji and you are?"

Okumura? Like Ayame? That explains a lot.

Ash squeezed his hands from where they were resting on the boys shoulders.

"Oh, do you not want to talk?" Eiji asked innocently. He twisted his neck to look at Ash, who replied by shaking his head. Eiji smiled. "That's fine, I'll do the talking. By the way, I'm taking you to my house, my mom would know what to-"

He cut himself off when he stumbled forward and fell flat on his face. Déjà vu. 

Ash landed on his side, next to Eiji. There was a moment of heavy silence. Then muffled giggling. Ash was a little stunned that it had come from himself.

"I-I'm okay. Th-this is n-nothing for the Eiji E-express."

He lifted his face from the ground, there was blood running down his nose and big fat tears collecting in his eyes. Clearly, he was anything but okay.

Ash couldn't help but laugh a little louder.

They both looked pathetic. 

"H-hop o-on!" And Eiji's voice was evidently shaky but the hint of sincere determination earned some respect from Ash. 

He slowly climbed back on the black haired boy's back. They proceeded to journey their way to the Okumura residence. On their way, Eiji passionately babbled on about the tales of their neighbourhood. He'd point at each house and narrate the stories behind them.

"That one is my uncle, Ibe-san's house. He's best friends with my mom, she even let me go to japan with him early this summer. It was so much fun."

"That's Mrs Coleman's house, she makes the best casseroles. My mom doesn't like her that much though. Every time she brings her casserole to us, my mom always burns them in the fireplace. I never ask her why she does and she always has this scary smile on her face whenever they meet."

"That's Mr Golzine's home. He's the school principal, he's a little- weird."

"That's the public park. But no kid goes there in the afternoon, Author and his friends always hogs the place."

"That's where Mr and Mrs Lobo live. They're really funny. Once Mr Lobo put a rat in my mom's cereal bowl. Ever since, he's been banned from entering our house. A true tragedy."

Before Eiji could take another step, Ash pulled back. 

"Oh, you stay at here? At the Lobos?" Ash nodded.

Eiji turned to the shorter boy and smiled. Something inside Ash twisted. "That's great. I live right next door. Let's hang out soon." Then he was off. 

He stood their, mindlessly staring at the running figure of the kid.

Ash realised that Max and Jessica was most probably not home, they should've left for work by now. Carefully he made his way to the doorstep and then inside the house. It was unlocked?

"ASLAN!" Jessica cried, breathlessly. She rushed in front of him, cautious to keep her distance. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. Please don't leave like that again or-"

She froze dreadfully still. Ash had enveloped her into a hug, tiny arms folding around her neck.

Jessica broke down into soft sobs. She picked him up gently and quietly cried, tears staining the back of Ash's shirt.

Ash knew they were worried, they stayed back and missed their work. For him. 

"...mom." It came out more like an ugly croak rather than a coherent word. Apparently Jessica had the ears of a god and she gasped in amazement. She withdrew from the hug to examine Ash's expression. Shyly, he hid his face behind the palms of his hands.

"MAX, MAX! LISTEN TO THIS!" Jessica roared, frantically awaiting for her husband to arrive in the living room. 

"What? Is Aslan back-"

"HE CALLED ME MOM!"

He stopped at the sight of his wife clutching the kid in her arms. Mathematic equations flew past his mind as he tried to solve what in the fuck was going on?

"Mom." Ash whispered, a little more confidently. Jessica almost combusted on the spot from endearment. Max was absolutely perplexed, it was almost as if he was sat at a trigonometry class instead of his own living room. 

And at that moment, Ash forgot he hated adults.

Later, he had blamed it on how his newfound neighbour somehow forced these foreign emotions to surface. How annoying. 

* * *

The next day, Max kept following around Ash like an incessant mosquito. 

"Come on. Just say 'papa'. It's like one more syllable from 'mom'." It was unbelievable that a grown man was whining so easily at the feet of a child. Ash looked away from the history book he was reading and at Max's pitiful face. A quietness settled in the living room they were lounging in. 

"P..." Ash began, clumsily. He popped the P for better emphasis on the word he was about to say. Max's eyes lit up significantly in anticipation. "P-pa.....pandemonium. A state of extreme confusion and disorder."

Whatever spark left in Max's eyes died. "Y-y-you little shit. You think this is funny?" He leaned closer to Ash menacingly. "Well, do you know what else is funny? Waking up with a rat jammed in your mouth."

The smugness in Ash's expression contorted to sheer panic. 

"Sweet dreams, Aslan."

**Author's Note:**

> yes, I'm late to this show


End file.
